A dinghy is at sea, in it are four lovely women in various states of dishevled appearance: hair is tossed about, clothing torn, one woman wears only a bikini. Another hangs her long pretty leg out the side of the boat, her toenails are painted a bright red. A fifth passenger of the life boat is a man, and he sits amid them looking forelorn and wasted. He wears the uniform of a luxury boat officer.
(in the bikini)
How long has it been?
(a pretty blond her makeup is mussed up)
Three days I think.
(her leg hanging out of the boat)
We can't hold out much longer.
(She looks about with deepening depression)
the captain is almost gone, we've not seen any sign of a ship, we have no means to control our drift . . . I'm afraid you'll have to eat me.
(various shocked gasps)
(her lovely hair in a bun that droops)
Yes, eat me.
(she lifts her leg and shows it off)
there's plenty of good meat here, she grabs her thigh and shakes it then lays it on the Captain's lap, he begins to look excited.)
What's the matter, Veronica?
(obviously displeased and a bit insulted)
You don't want to eat me?
Not at all, I'd love to eat you, it's just that ... well, I'd prefer to eat Jennifer.
oh! Well, ok, we'll all eat me then, shall we? (She stands and removes her blouse and drops it on the captain.)
There, plenty for everyone she says sitting back down and shaking her ample bosom.
Fine, we'll eat breast meat, no one likes legs?
(she waves her pretty barefoot close to the captain's face who follows it ravenously with his eyes.)
I ... I like legs.
there, see, the captain wants to eat me.
Don't you sweetie.
(she climbs into the captain's lap and carefully pampers him like he were a child.)
He's OUR captain Lisa, not just your captain. If we are going to get out of here, we need him healthy.
(shooting Veronica a very sour look)
what's that supposed to mean?
well, it's just that, I happen to know that you're a smoker.
What? I smoke one cigarette once in a while!
Still, smoking ruins your body... you might not be healthy enough for the captain, perhaps you should be a later choice, eaten only if necessary.
(Lisa pouts and removes herself from the captain's lap, who is obviously upset by this, and she seats herself away from the others, looking at her pretty legs.)
Who should the captain eat then?
Me! I don't smoke, and I've ample meat on my hips.
(she stands and shows off her rump and thighs in the tiny bikini.)
not so fast sweetie, i happen to know you've a very lousy diet, and you drink like a fish.
(the captain who had been reaching for Veronica licking his lips now looks troubled and slowly drops his arms. Vernoica watchs this with mute sadness)
oh, so you've got a better choice in mind?
(she seats herself close and smiles at the Captain)
well, There's no reason the captain should not find me nutritious and healthy for his dinner. I'm on a strict diet of high fiber and veggies and my body is trim and lean. I don't smoke, drink, or even gamble.
what's gambling got to do with anything?
I'm just making a point, the Captain should eat me.
(she smiles and makes her way over to the captain who accepts her into his arms while licking his swollen sun burned lips.)
(breaking her silence)
wait, you're too small. He needs a bigger meal, I'm bigger, and I've never smoked, drank, or gambled either.
(using her barefoot she shoves Jennifer off the captain's lap, and slides herself into her place.)
you only outweigh me by four pounds!
four quality pounds.
Here captain, tuck in!
(she offers the captain her calf.)
I know you're hungry.
(suddenly all the woman fall at the captain's feet and plead with him)
oh eat me, captain!
NO, please eat me, I'll satisfy you, I'm delicious, I assure you.
I promise I'm the tastiest, eat me!!
Ladies, please, I'll eat all of you.
The small launch was spotted one day later by a passing cruise ship. The first officer noted in his log that for being stranded alone for four days, the Captain seemed particularly well fed, in fact, even fat. He had been picked up alone, and claimed he had not seen another soul escape from the sinking ship.
my apologies to monty python for blatantly ripping off their very funny but not very sexy skit!
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