Nobody Can Hear Oysters Scream

It was a typical busy Saturday night at Bubba's Roadhouse.

"Yo, Barwench!! Another round for my friends!!" Billy bellowed loudly over the bar room din. He and his rowdy buddies had kept Karen busy for nearly four hours with their food and drink orders. They were a royal pain in the ass, but she figured it would be worth it if she snagged a big tip. Their tab was already over $200, and there was still a couple of hours to go until last call.

"Geez, I hope you guys'll be sober enough to drive home tonight," Karen joked as she delivered a tray full of Kamikazes and beers to the table.

"Hey, no sweat baby!!", Billy said. "Me and the boys are just getting warmed up for our annual trip to Mardi Gras. We hit the Big Easy every year and raise a little hell. You want to come with us?"

"I don't think so honey. I doubt if I could keep up with you guys," Karen said sweetly. It was hard trying to be nice to a bunch of obnoxious drunks, but she knew that she had to put on her best smiley face if she wanted to get a fat tip.

At about quarter to two, she made one last pass by their table.

"Last call boys. Can I get you another round?"

"Nah, I think we've had enough," Billy said. "You can just give me the check. You guys can head outside and warm up the van. I'll be out as soon as I settle up with the young lady here."

"Damn Billy, you da man!!" his buddies shouted in unison as they put on their coats and headed for the door.

"OK, lets see the damage!!" Billy said as Karen pulled the tab out of her pocket.

"Whoa, $350!! Thank God for plastic!!" he said, handing her a credit card.

Karen walked back to the bar, ran the card through the reader, and waited anxiously for the validation to come back. A few seconds later she saw the dreaded words ... DECLINED-CARD REPORTED STOLEN!!! At almost the same moment she heard a car horn beeping frantically. She turned around just in time to see Billy putting on his coat and bolting for the door.

"Hey come back here!! Somebody stop that guy!!" Karen yelled, but it was too late. Billy was already outside before anybody could react.

By the time Karen and the manager got outside, Billy was leaping through the van's sliding door.

"Gun it man!! Let's get the hell out of here!!" Billy yelled as the door slammed shut behind him. The van sent a shower of gravel streaming from it's tires as it pealed out of the parking lot and zoomed away at high speed.

"YOU MISERABLE PRICKS!!", Karin yelled futilely. "I'LL GET YOU GUYS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!"

She had good reason to be mad. Not only had she missed out on the big tip she'd been anticipating, but she was going to have to pay the tab Billy and his scumbag buddies had skipped out on.

When they got back inside, the manager called the cops and gave them a description of the van. They weren't able to give them a license number because the fleeing drunks hadn't turned their lights on until they were well away from the parking lot.

"Gee Karen, this really sucks!!" said the manager.

"I'll tell you what, Joe. I don't care how long it takes, but I know that some day I'll run into those fuckers again, and when I do they're going to wish they'd never been born."

Smoke was coming out of Karen's ears, and everybody sort of backed away from her. Karen wasn't somebody you wanted to cross, as several of her ex-boyfriends could attest to. She had a long memory, and forgiveness wasn't part of her vocabulary. Billy and his cronies were buzzard bait if she ever crossed paths with them again.

o0o

Ten years passed quickly by, and Karen's life had changed for the better. After the incident at Bubba's, Karen decided to move to New Orleans. Since Billy had said the he and his buddies went there every year for Mardi Gras, she figured that she had to run into them again sooner or later. It was just a matter of time.

She easily found a good job as a waitress, and after a few years she managed to save enough money to buy the place she was working at when the owner decided to retire. Within a couple of more years, it gained a reputation as one of the hottest spots in town.

One evening, she was sitting at the corner of the bar chatting with a lady who was one of her regular patrons. The lady had waited tables herself when she was younger, and eventually their conversation turned to Billy and his sleazy friends. Karen alluded to the fact that if he ever poked his head into her place during Mardi Gras, that she'd pump his butt full of buckshot from the double-barreled shotgun she kept behind the bar.

"Oh, no, no!!" the lady said. "You don't want to do that!! It's not worth going to jail over some scumbucket. There's a lot worse things you can do to him than shoot him, and you won't get into any trouble with the law."

"Keep Talking Mona!!" Karen said, taking another sip of her drink.

Mona moved closer to Karen, and began whispering in her ear so that nobody could hear. Karen's eyes became as big as saucers.

"No Way!! That's not possible!!

"It sure is!! I didn't believe it either until my sister did it to her two timing husband. I saw it with my own eyes. If you want, I can fix you up with some of the same stuff she used. I'd love to see you get those low-lifes if they ever show up here."

Karen and Mona giggled wickedly as they clanked their glasses together in a toast.

A couple of nights later, Mona returned and handed Karen a small vial filled with a colorless liquid.

"Here you go girlfriend, put this in a safe place. Remember, a little bit goes a long way. I sure as hell hope I'm here if those guys ever stop by."

"Me too!! If this stuff works the way you say it does, those losers are going to be in for the biggest surprise of their lives. Or, should I say the LAST surprise of their lives.

The both began laughing hysterically at the idea, and could hardly wait for the day Karen would have the chance to use the contents of the vial to gain her revenge.

o0o

A few more months passed, and almost before Karen knew it, it was Mardi Gras time once again. She and Mona were sitting at their favorite corner of the bar laughing and enjoying the festive atmosphere when they heard a ruckus coming from outside.

"Hey boys, we ain't ever been in this dump before. Let's check it out!!"

Karen froze in her chair at the sound of the man's familiar voice. She cast an icy glance in his direction as he and several of his intoxicated cronies staggered into her bar and sat down at a table.

"Karen, what's the matter? Do you know those people? Wait a minute, are those the guys who ..."

"I'm going to cut his heart out and stomp on it!!" Karen hissed as she continued to stare menacingly in Billy's direction.

"Now now dear, that wouldn't be any fun. Remember our little plan? Do you still have the vial that I gave you?"

Karen reached around inside her purse, and a big smile suddenly appeared on her face.

"Why, yes I do!!", Karen said with a malevolent glint in her eye. "I think it's time for a little payback Mona."

Karen got up, walked to the other end of the bar, and gave some instructions to one of her employees. Then she returned to her seat. About a half-hour later, the employee emerged from one of the banquet rooms.

"The room's all set boss, just like you asked."

"Thanks Pete," Karen said. "OK Mona. It's time for those pathetic pricks to finally pay their tab ... WITH INTEREST!!"

Karen stood up and slowly walked toward the table where Billy and his rowdy cohorts were raising hell. Her appearance had changed considerably since the incident at Bubba's Roadhouse, and she wondered if Billy would recognize her.

"Hello boys," Karen said sweetly. She then addressed Billy directly. "I've got some great news for you, you're my 50,000th customer. We've set up a little buffet table in the back for you and your friends. All your food and drinks tonight are on the house."

"Well, hot damn, don't that beat all? Did you hear that boys, free eats and free booze. Yee haaa!!" Billy hollered. "Hey sugar, don't I know you from somewhere? You look mighty familiar."

"No, I don't think so. I'd remember somebody as cute as you," Karen said, trying hard not to pewk as she spit the words out. "Come on boys, grab your things and follow me back to the banquet room. It's party time!!"

"You heard the lady, lets go!!" Billy said as he lead his buddies through the crowded bar to the banquet room. Karen's kitchen crew had laid out a spread fit for a king, and there was a fully stocked bar at the far corner of the room, tended by one of Karen's more well endowed employees.

After a couple of hours of drinking and feasting, Billy and his band of rowdies were stuffed and feeling no pain. Karen played the part of good hostess, waiting for the perfect moment to spring her little trap. When she finally felt that the time was right, she stuck her head out the door and gave Mona a "heads-up" signal. Then she walked over to the girl tending bar and told her that she could leave for the evening.

"Are you boys having fun yet?" Karen yelled.

"Damn straight!!" Billy responded. "This is the best time we've ever had at Mardi Gras."

"Well, I can't tell you how happy that makes me." Karen said, shaking with anticipation. "Now, before you boys get too trashed, I want to have a special toast in recognition of how much it means to me that you and your friends represent my 50,000th customer."

At that moment, Mona walked into the room carrying a serving tray full of kamikazes.

"Boys, these are the most kick-ass kamikazes in New Orleans. It's something special I mixed up just for this occasion," Karen said as Mona set one of the shooters in front of each of the men. Then she handed one of them to Karen and winked at her.

"OK boys, lets have us a little toast. Here's hoping that you guys get everything in life that you deserve. Bottoms up!!"

Billy and his friends tossed back the drinks and slammed their glasses down on the table. Karen downed her shot too, and waited.

"How are you boys feeling?" she asked.

"Wow, that thing was wicked!!" Billy said. "What was in it? Hey, what the ....."

Billy was unable to complete his sentence before he was struck speechless. The next thing he knew, he was enveloped in darkness.

"What the hell just happened? Who turned out the lights? Dang, I can't feel my legs or arms any more. I can't move!! What's going on here? Hey boys, are you OK?"

He heard a frenzy of responses from his buddies, all of whom were experiencing the same strange symptoms as Billy.

"Don't worry Billy, you and your sleezeball friends are going to be just fine ... for now. By the way, we have met before. Don't you remember? Think real hard Billy, it was quite a while ago."

"Lady, I don't know who the hell you are!! What'd I ever do to you?"

"Don't you recall getting trashed a few years back at a place called Bubba's Roadhouse, and then skipping out on the tab? REMEMBER NOW!!" Karen hissed menacingly.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. Hey, wait a minute. You were our waitress, weren't you?"

"That's right dickhead. I'm the one that got stuck with the $350 tab you ran out on. Now, it's time for you boys to pay up!!" Karen said gleefully.

"Lady, I don't know what the hell you did to us, but you better let us go right now. Hey boys, everybody start yelling for help. Somebody's got to hear us."

Billy and his friends began yelling in unison at the top of their lungs, or so they thought.

"It's no use boys," Karen laughed evilly. "You see, none of you really have voices any more. I can hear your thoughts, and you can hear mine. However, nobody else can hear you. It's just you and me now, you miserable maggots!! Bwahahahahaha!!"

"What are you going to do to us?" Billy whimpered.

"You'll find out soon enough," Karen said. "Mona, round up a few of the girls. Tell them it's break time. Oh, and make sure they're wearing their tee shirts."

"You got it girlfriend!!" Mona said gleefully as she walked from the room. Meanwhile, Karen had a few things to attend to.

"Hey, what's going on, what are you doing?" Billy said, as he suddenly felt a chill. "Damn, it's cold. Stop it!!". His friends soon began yelling the same thing.

"Aww, are you poor boys feeling chilly? Well, don't worry. I'll see that you get warmed up in just a few minutes. Oh goody, here come the girls to join us!!" Karen said, as Mona walked into the room followed by six extremely hot looking waitresses wearing tight fitting tee shirts.

"Hey girls, our guests of honor left without eating all their food. I know how much you all like these things so I thought I'd ask you to help me finish them off," Karen said as the girls giggled and talked loudly amongst themselves.

"I'll crack these suckers open so we can all down them at the same time. Just a second."

Billy felt an abrupt motion, and then a cessation of the icy cold that he'd been emersed in for the past several minutes. He also noticed a tiny sliver of light forming in front of him, caused by what appeared to be a sharp metallic object being wedged through some sort of crack. He felt a sense of relief that he could still see, but the relief was short lived as the sliver of light widened enough for him to get a sense of what was going on. He was still unable to move anything. Inside the room, he saw several gorgeous women all wearing tee shirts emblazoned with the same thing on the front:

Shuck Me,
Suck Me,
Eat Me Raw!!
Louisiana Oysters

Suddenly, he was in motion again. Before he knew it, he felt the return of icy coldness beneath him. As he looked around, he realized that he appeared to be surrounded by a bunch of ... OYSTERS, and they were sitting on a bed of ice!! He watched as Karen picked the oysters up one by one and slipped the edge of a knife between the shells to pry them open. Each time she did so, he heard the screams of one of his drinking buddies. Billy wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but eventually it dawned on him what was happening.

"Oh Shit!! She's somehow turned us into oysters!!"

"That's right dumbass. It took you long enough to catch on. Now, guess what happens NEXT?", she said gleefully via her thoughts.

Billy shuddered in helpless horror as he watched what was going on.

"OK girls, here's an oyster for each of you," Karen said. "Open them up the rest of the way. Then we'll have a toast and down them on the count of three."

Billy noticed that he appeared to be the only oyster still sitting on the bed of ice. All the other oysters had been distributed to the girls, who were opening them up and dousing them with hot sauce, lemon juice, and other assorted condiments. As they did so, he heard a chorus of frightened wails coming from his buddies.

"Noooooo, don't eat my friends!!" Billy pleaded, but nobody could hear him. He could do nothing but watch.

"All right girls, here's to the best Mardi Gras ever!! On the count of three now. One, two, THREE!!!"

The girls simultaneously tilted their heads back, opened their mouths wide, thrust out their juicy tongues, and let the oysters slide gently from their shells all the way to the back of their gaping pink caverns. Then they swallowed. Billy watched in terror as the girls larynxes bobbed up and down in unison, each girl's throat responding reflexively to the swift passage of one of his buddies down her esophagus into her eager stomach. He could hear the silent screaming of his friends as they realized they had just been eaten alive, and were about to be digested. He looked over and saw a big smile on Karen's face. She could hear the screams too, the bitch, and she was enjoying it.

"Gee Karen, there's one left. Can I eat it?" one of the girls said, licking her lips hungrily.

"No, I think that one might be bad," said Karen. "I'll take care of it myself. OK everybody, back to work!!"

The waitresses left the room, leaving only Karen, Mona, and of course a quivering Billy.

"Gee Billy, I bet you really feel like shit right now for skipping out on that tab. At any rate, if you don't feel like shit now, you will in a few hours ... LITERALLY!!"

"Oh, please don't eat me!!" Billy begged. "I'll pay you what I owe you with interest. I'll do anything you want. Just don't eat me."

"Hmmmm, hang on second," Karen said. "Mona, Billy doesn't want me to eat him. Do you know if that potion is reversible?"

"Nope," Mona said. "He's gonna be an oyster forever."

"Gee Billy, did you hear that? It doesn't look like I have much choice. If I don't eat you, you'll just spoil and go to waste. I guess I could throw you in the ocean and let you fend for yourself with the fishies."

"Yeah, yeah!! Throw me in the ocean!!" Billy pleaded.

"Well, I just don't know. You've been pretty naughty," Karen said, holding Billy up to her face.

"You know Billy, I read something interesting in the news today. Did you know that when a man sees a beautiful woman's face, it triggers a pleasure response in his brain similar to what a person gets from taking drugs? Do you think I have a pretty face Billy? Do you feel intense pleasure when you look at it?" Karen said sweetly.

"Oh yes, yes!! I've never seen anybody so gorgeous," Billy blubbered hysterically.

"Look at my lips Billy. Don't you think they're soft and luscious. Wouldn't you love to kiss my lips Billy?"

"Oh God Yes!! I can't think of anything I'd rather do!!"

Karen continued to gaze menacingly at Billy. Eventually, she stuck her tongue out of her mouth and slowly began licking Billy's rubbery form.

"Do you like my tongue, Billy. Wouldn't you just give anything to have me lick you all over."

"Absolutely. That would be the most wonderful thing I could ever think of."

"Gee Billy, you're really making me feel special. There's just one other thing I'd like to know."

"What's that?" Billy said.

Karen suddenly flung her head back, opened her mouth wide, and tilted Billy so that he began to slide from his shell.

"HOW DO YOU LIKE MY THROAT BILLY!!"

Billy looked into the glistening pink expanse of Karen's gaping throat, felt himself slowly oozing out of his shell, and began to panic.

"Ahhhhh, Ahhhhh, Ahhhh. Please don't eat me. Don't let me fall into your mouth!! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!"

Billy's pathetic pleading only made Karen want to open her mouth still wider so as to induce even more terror in him. As she tilted her head further and further back, the bright light from the ceiling fixtures illuminated every nook and cranny of her luscious mouth and throat. Suddenly, much to Billy's abject horror, Karen's esophagus opened completely up, giving him a clearly lit view of the entire length of the glistening pink conduit that threatened to usher him into the steamy depths of her body. As if that wasn't terrifying enough, the valve to her stomach suddenly sprang open, revealing a convoluted and churning pink interior. It seemed almost as though it were waiting for something .... for HIM!!!

"Aaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaah, Aaaaaaaaaaah Billy shrieked, to no avail. Only Karen could hear him, and his shrieks merely made her salivate more profusely. Her esophagus momentarily contracted, but it would be opening up again soon enough; too soon for oyster Billy.

"Oh Billy, that was the wrong answer!! You were supposed to tell me how much you liked my throat. Now, I'm afraid I'm just going to have to eat you. Goodbye Billy. I'm going to enjoy digesting you."

Karen then tilted Billy's shell all the way over, dumping him into her eager mouth. He landed with a muffled plop on her cushy tongue and quickly passed through a long, thick strand of saliva dangling from the roof of her mouth as he slid inexorably toward her gaping gullet. After what seemed like an eternity, he ricocheted off her tonsils, landed on her throat wall, and began sliding down her esophagus. He screamed and screamed at the thought of what was coming next.

"Silly boy, don't you know that NOBODY CAN HEAR OYSTERS SCREAM? Bon Voyage ... ASSHOLE!!"

With that final venomous thought, Karen swallowed mightily, sending Billy hurtling down her sexy throat to his fate. In seconds, he oozed into the sweltering inferno of her stomach and quickly found himself submerged in a pool of gooey gastric juices. In that same instant, he suddenly reverted to his human form. He thrashed around for several seconds before he realized that he once again had arms and legs. Summoning all his strength, he somehow managed to crawl out of the viscous pool of slime and onto the wall of Karen's stomach.

As he lay on his back gasping for breath, the inky darkness was momentarily pierced by a brilliant shaft of light coming from above. As he gazed upward toward the stomach opening, he could see the ceiling of the banquet room and realized that Karen had once again widened her esophagus, probably to further torture him with one final glimpse of the outside world. In a few seconds the light vanished, and he was once again emersed in unimaginable blackness. He tried to stand up on the slippery surface, but it was impossible. In frustration, he pounded the surface with his fists, but his blows were easily absorbed by the vast expanse of soft, mucous covered tissue. Eventually he grew weary of fighting the inevitable, and just laid back and waited to be digested. As the growing pool of acidic goo began to once again lap at his toes, his final thoughts were about how pissed Karen would be if she knew that he was actually beginning to enjoy this. He slipped into unconsciousness sporting a throbbing hard-on.

Billy's brief but futile struggles only served to further excite Karen. She could feel all of Billy's thoughts as she began digesting him, including the apparent pleasure he was beginning to experience toward the end. The thoughts flickered and faded away about a half hour later, when what was left of Billy exited her stomach and began it's journey through her intestines.

Meanwhile, Mona had been watching everything with rapt attention.

"Well, that was certainly interesting," she said as Karen seemed to begin to return to her normal self. "You were really getting into that. How do you feel?"

"Incredible!! It was so wonderful swallowing him and feeling all his thoughts as I digested him. I must have had a dozen orgasms. Who did you say you got that potion from?"

"My sister Lucy. She's always had a fascination with what it would be like to shrink guys and swallow them alive. In fact, She's told me that she knows guys who actually WANT to be eaten. Can you believe that? I can't imagine such a thing. Anyway, I'll introduce you to her the next time she's in town. She travels a lot."

"I'd like that," Karen said eagerly. "Maybe she could introduce me to some of those guys. I really enjoyed eating Billy. It might be fun swallowing somebody who wants to be eaten. This might sound strange, Mona, but I swear that Billy was beginning to enjoy being in my stomach. I have trouble believing that guys could really want to be eaten, but I guess anything's possible. I'd believe just about anything after what happened tonight. Let's head out to the bar. I need a little snort to settle my stomach."

"Good idea," Mona said. "I want you to tell me all about what it felt like to actually eat somebody. My hubby might misbehave someday, and I want to be prepared."

They both laughed loudly as they shut out the lights, closed the door to the banquet room, and resumed their celebration of Mardi Gras.

 

04.04.13